‘Continental’ philosophy is one of the most divisive binomials in philosophy. It is either harshly abused or acclaimed in adulatory fashion. It guides, makes, and breaks university faculties and careers. But what if ‘Continental’ philosophy actually does not exist? What if it is merely an empty concept, a plastic word? What if there is no such thing as ‘Continental’ philosophy? In this provocative essay, Kristof K.P. Vanhoutte thinks this thesis through to its bitter end.